The worst has happened. At 11pm last night, Mama Dubs (my darling mother) passed away peacefully but quickly in hospital care. I feel broken but I can’t help but feel that finding this quote yesterday (before things suddenly took a drastic turn for the worse) was somewhat of what I like to call a god-incidence – finding something exactly at the time it is needed.
Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.
– Louis Erdrich, The Painted Drum; via A Happy Adventure
The day today is beautiful – in the middle of winter, an invincible summer. I can almost hear her voice in my ear: “Shine on, you crazy diamond”.
In lieu of flowers, Mama Dubs wished for people to consider donating to a charity that she cared deeply about – Shocking Pink, a New Zealand charity supporting young women with breast cancer. Sweet Mama M will be on a week-long hiatus.