We had a Ladies’ Thanksgiving Dinner on Friday and there were a few big announcements, one of which was that JeC is finally pregnant with a much-longed for wee baby. As announcements like these always generate big conversation – and that was only one of the bombshells dropped that night – the conversation got on to how long various people had tried to conceive and what they think finally worked. With a whole bunch of friends having had babies in the last year, this has been a somewhat common conversation.
There have, of course, been the “wonderful accident” babies; the pregnancies that came as complete surprises to their parents. In some cases, this was because the couples had health conditions that they thought would preclude easy conceptions, others were using less effective forms of birth control. While the conception stage was fairly stress-free, it would no doubt be a little bit stressful to make plans once the baby was already on the way; at least it would be for a planner like me! A sub-group of this one is the “not trying, not preventing” crew, that are throwing caution to the wind and not really caring about the outcome.
There were the active triers – setting out with a plan, relatively regular cycles or symptom tracking to understand ovulation dates. I’ve already been tracking ovulation dates (apart from slacking off this past month with travel, etc) for my acupuncturist through the use of Ovulation Predictor Kits (known as OPKs). I think this is definitely the category that we will fall under – it’s in my compulsive planning nature to do everything possible to give us the best chance of success. For now, that’s tracking cycles, acupuncture and using Pre-Seed. Before I researched all of this I wasn’t even aware that non-spermicidal lubricant can still be damaging to sperm; Pre-Seed is designed for “seriously fun baby-making” – that’s actually what it says on the box!
The last major category is the “we gave up”-ers. Usually former active triers, they got sick of the peeing on sticks to find out fertile times, sick of consistently timed sex on what was their likely ovulation peak, sick of trying and not being successful. These are the people that you are most likely to hear say “Relax and it will happen”. I don’t know that we could ever be these sorts of triers – I care too much! In saying that, I hope we’re not trying long enough to want to give up!
I think starting to try is a major decision and not everyone is going to feel the same way about it. All you can do is reflect on the right way for you and your partner to approach it and then go with the flow. I think one of the hardest things in this situation (and my friend BBB agrees) is that I’ve always worked hard for everything I have in my life and this is one particular thing in my life that isn’t controlled by the amount of effort I’m willing to put in. I’m just hoping that Mum is up in heaven, baby-sitting one wee soul that will soon make his or her way to us!