M is for Mama: P is for pregnancy announcements

Not mine, by the way. It’s okay Papa M, you can stop having a heart attack right now.

OnesieAnon

Our pregnancy announcement for CJ – hubby loves the NBA despite living in little old NZ

After winter, the spring has come and like a flood so have the pregnancy announcements. We know what you were getting up to on those cold dark nights – nudge nudge wink wink. At the moment they are averaging about one a week and every one fills me with pure joy. I’ve been privy to knowing about a couple of pregnancies prior to public announcement and they have me bursting at the seams wanting to tell the world; I’m not even the mother! While we’re certainly not in a position to have a second child – I have fitness and financial goals to get in order, not to mention get my head in the game for it too – each sweet announcement makes me smile. But truth be told? I didn’t always feel this way.

As you know if you’ve been following the blog for a while, getting pregnant didn’t happen overnight for us. There were chiropractor visits, ovulation tests, acupuncture and seven months of impatient waiting before we got there. I’m loathe to admit it now but it started taking me a while to actually be happy for people, despite my joyful “Congratulations!” when I found out they were with child. In what was possibly one of my ugliest moments I got quite angry at the announcement of someone who had quite adamantly voiced that she was never going to have another baby. I know others who have waited far longer and those for whom their dream of having children hasn’t ever come true. I can’t imagine what these announcements must feel like if you hear them year after year while your own arms are still empty.

I think the most important thing to appreciate as an expectant parent is that as much as some people want to be excited for you, they just can’t. Not yet. Not right now. Easing the pressure off them and not expecting them to behave a certain way can be beneficial for your relationship in the long run. In our case, a close friend had been trying for years to get pregnant and so I disclosed to her in a text before making the announcement. I told her our news and simply said that I understood that she might have mixed feelings about the situation and to just get in touch when she was ready. I know, however, that fertility battles are often a hidden struggle and that my gleeful public announcement may still have trodden on a few nerves.

Do you have a take on this situation? Have you been in the position of either the announcer or the not-so-happy receiver of the announcement? What would have made the situation better for you?

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One thought on “M is for Mama: P is for pregnancy announcements

  1. My parents had fertility issues (hence my adoption) so when I got pregnant I was very aware that not everyone might give the reaction that is usually expected when such news is shared. I had a friend who had been through hell and back not long before I fell pregnant. I too messaged her privately quite early on, similarly to how you did, and I think it helped our friendship to grow deeper. I even avoided telling her in person. I wanted to give her the shield of a screen so she could react however she wanted without me watching. I hope I handled it OK.
    My heart goes out to those who struggle to conceive (or simply know they cannot). I hope that my parents’ story has made me more sensitive, although I’m sure I unwittingly say/do things here and there without thinking (I hope not).
    I was blessed with a fairly normal conception time and successful pregnancy, but I admit that for complicated reasons since (too much to explain in a comment), I have had moments where instead of feeling utter joy at pregnancy news, I have felt sad or stupidly jealous. I’m not proud of my (kept private) reactions but they were what they were and it felt shitty. I can’t imagine what someone who has not been able to have a pregnancy/baby of their own for fertility reasons might feel. I am so happy for you that your little CJ came along xoxo

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