I know some of you are reading the title and going “Huh? Why wouldn’t you love being a mum?”.
But while I’ve always loved CJ, I can’t say that I’ve always loved this new job description. Being a mama to a baby was hard. Being mama to a toddler is a different kind of hard, but it’s a kind of hard that I love. As much as it’s a bit of a struggle continuing on with casual work and taking that extra year of parental leave, I am SO glad that I did.
I posted a photo on Instagram the other day of CJ and I down by the river. It’s the place I used to drive by myself when he was six weeks old; I’d leave him at home with his father and go sit on the swings and watch the river and have thirty minutes of my thoughts and my boobs to myself. Now I’d much rather go with him because it is so fun seeing the world through his eyes.
I love watching him play a very serious game of “place bark on the swing”.
I love that he waves to the lady at the corner store when we leave but he won’t even wave goodbye to his own mother when she drops him at daycare.
I love the way that he wakes up slowly like me, and isn’t ready to face the world until he’s had that first drink.
I love that he’d rather talk than eat breakfast and the way his little half-dressed bum will scurry off to hang out with daddy in the bathroom.
I love that his cheeky face screws up when I tell him to keep his food on his high chair tray, and the fact that he’ll stare me dead in the eye as he drops it off anyway.
I love the way that he will climb up on me for a cuddle and then madly dash off to do the next thing, even if that is climbing and reaching for things he shouldn’t have.
I love his little dance that he does to his favorite show’s theme songs even though half the time he will wander off halfway through the show.
I even love when he manages to open the doors of the rooms he shouldn’t be in and then close the door after himself, the devious little sausage.
It’s all happened so gradually and yet so quickly; I feel like just in the last week it has really slapped me in the face that my baby has gone and instead I have this awesome little dude in my life. I couldn’t see this time in my newborn fog and I doubt I would have believed it would come so soon. I don’t mourn for the baby that I no longer have and that’s okay too! I’m in love with being a mum to my toddler son.