My word for the past year was abundance. I was sick of living with a scarcity mentality, that there wasn’t enough of anything to go round. Although I let this word slip from mind around the time that my separation happened (four months ago, I can hardly credit how fast time has gone since then), the essence of it has seeped into my soul and I’ve still been living in the truth of that word without even thinking.
I’ve had a year abundant with experiences, both good and bad. I’d definitely say that 2015 is the year that changed the course of my life and those experiences have given me clarity as to what I want moving forward. I’ve had an abundance of creative inspiration, jump starting my work on my novel and even helping me to get back into short story and poetry writing. I’ve had an abundance of work this year which has obviously had a flow-on effect on the financial side. Surprisingly, even with working I’ve had an abundance of quality time with my son. I wonder whether having fewer hours to spend with him during the work week has meant that I have more respect for the time we do have together. As much as it seems funny to say coming out the other side of a marriage separation — holy crap, have I felt an abundance of love this year. Some of it has come from the most unexpected places. And when there have been times I’ve been confused or not known how I’m going to get through something, there are some wonderful, wonderful people who have given me abundant amounts of time and friendship to help me work out what my next steps forward are.
So why BRAVE?
Like any good word for the year, it sprung into my mind without prompting. There are certainly times in the past year when I have had to be brave. Facing my fear of failure when it came to my marriage was definitely one of them. Joining a gym and meeting a personal trainer was another. But at times, and in certain situations, I feel like I’m only at the very start of my bravery journey.
What does BRAVE look like?
Brave means making big plans and following through with them. Brave means not being afraid to speak my mind and not being apologetic for my feelings or my opinions. Brave means continuing to put my well-being on an equal par with CJ’s well-being because he’s not well-served by a mother who is unfit, unhealthy or mentally wrung-out. Brave means doing what I need to do to hit my weight goal this year – no self-sabotage. Brave means asking for help at my new job and not worrying about whether it makes me look incompetent – nothing looks as incompetent as doing something wrong, and with coming from a different educational sector those questions are expected. Brave means hopping on a flight tomorrow and enjoying a well-deserved child-free holiday without feeling guilty. Brave means putting everything on the line for the things that really matter, and not being afraid to hold back when the things don’t really matter.
Basically, brave means making the big calls, being explicit about what I want and don’t want. I spent a year… maybe longer, it’s hard to tell when things went wrong… living for other people’s wants and happiness. Brave means loving myself in a world where women are told that they aren’t enough unless they are Pinterest/Instagram perfect. Brave is being honest. Brave is having the metaphorical balls to put my happiness first.
What’s your word for the year?
Sweet Mama M will be on break until the 14th of January. See you back here then!