On the 1st of March, I’ll turn 31.
30 was a crazy year. A year of change. At some points it felt like people were literally reaching up and removing the blinkers from my eyes in so many areas in my life. At some points the light was almost too hard to handle, and it took a while to adjust to my new perception. It was a year of personal earthquakes; and the reality, once all the dust settled was no less beautiful but it was sure as heck different. I feel like I’m ending the year with a completely different direction to that in which I started and a confidence in myself that I couldn’t have imagined.
31… feels a lot more solid. I feel that with all of the demolition that went on last year, I’ve pared things back to the bare foundations. 31 is my year of building. While there’s always small things to feel happy and excited about, while there’s always something to love and to smile about… life isn’t always terrific, highlight-reel footage. It’s not terrible either… sometimes it is just time to knuckle down and do what you need to do. That’s what this year is to me. Last year couldn’t be that. I didn’t even know the direction I wanted to go in half the time. To be honest, even December last year I was struggling to find clarity while I tried to work out what our new normal was. It was incredibly valuable, then, to take my holiday at the start of the year; it solidified what I wanted out of life, where I saw my future heading, what I really wanted. It gave me the drive and focus that I felt was so lacking at times last year.
31. I know what I want. I’ve set goals for myself and for the first time I don’t feel the need to share them publicly; I know that if I really want to, I’ll achieve them. For some reason I have the slogan “This time, it’s personal!” running through my head in a sportscaster’s voice LOL. I feel the change already, the influence that it gives to my decision making. I’m consistently asking myself the question – “Does this help you get where you need to go?”. And if it doesn’t? It feels so much easier to say no. Nobody is perfect and I’m no exception, there’ll be times that I make the “wrong” choice. Especially when it comes to buying take-out coffee instead of making instant coffee at work… sadly I think that’s always going to be a weakness! But this year of building, this year of 31, should hopefully see some dreams come true at 32.
31. It’s not a big birthday. It’s on a Tuesday so the limit of my celebration will probably be splurging on takeout to celebrate with my little family. Something simple, family-focused and full of joy. And somehow that feels right too.