Confessions #4

Usually these are an even mixture of serious and light-hearted but they seem a little on the serious side this round… ah well, that’s life really, isn’t it?

  • I was scrolling back through my blog posts a while ago and I could sense the patch where I was being a little inauthentic about what exactly was going on in my life, especially around this time last year. Part of me wants to edit those posts to reflect reality but I also know that I have other people’s feelings to consider and there will always be some things that I keep for myself. The posts themselves, they are as reflective of my life at the time as my mushy posts were around the time of my wedding, even if neither of those reflect my life or views now. I can’t pretend now that I’m the same person I’ve always been and deleting the posts is trying to ignore that a whole patch of my life happened. The older we get, the more complex our lives and histories are. I guess that’s actually a positive thing!
  • One of my dear friends had bariatric surgery. It was a fantastic decision for her and she is healthier than she’s been in years. She’s close to “lapping” me in her weight loss and despite knowing that our journeys are nowhere near the same, I did feel a little pang of jealousy that she’s getting there “faster” than I am. I snapped myself out of it, and I really truly am so proud of her and the amazing hard work and lifestyle change that she’s made to get to that point – I know it’s not an easy choice, nor the easy way out. But for a second there I was a bit envious and then disappointed in myself for being that way. Love you hun!
  • I know that I put out a strong and capable vibe most of the time, and that’s not a lie. I am the kind of person who will just suck it up and get on with it, even when Murphy’s Law strikes (and the garbage disposal unit literally falls out of the kitchen sink – true story), because I feel like I have no other choice. But I can’t deny that lately I’ve had a couple of days (see aforementioned kitchen sink for one) when I’ve just wanted to crawl into someone’s arms and have them stroke my hair and tell me what I already know, that a bad day is just that. It probably doesn’t help that Mother’s Day is coming up.


  • Speaking about mum, I’ve realised that her passing has in some ways changed me for the better. I am so much more aware that life is incredibly short; I tell my people I love them regularly. I put up with less unhappiness and I’m not afraid to speak up for myself. I plan to make my dreams happen because I know that putting them off for years means that I may never get a chance to enjoy them. Given any chance, I would unlearn these life lessons to have her back in my life but I’m pleased that I’ve been able to draw something good from the situation.
  • It is beyond me why people do the “hate-follow”, yet I have seen SO much of it lately on social media. I know that there are trolls out there, who actively seek out battles, but it’s also everyday people who seem to be following social media accounts that just piss them off. People evolve and change, you evolve and change… sometimes what made you interested in connecting with that person’s feeds online just isn’t there anymore. There’s no shame in disconnecting when you feel that their social media just doesn’t bring anything positive to your life. Vote with your digital feet, avoid the drama and feel better about yourself.
  • I have a couple of close friends going through some major fertility issues and sometimes feel a bit guilty that my system has completely sorted itself since having and weaning CJ. I can literally pinpoint my ovulation like clockwork, meaning that there would likely be very little issue in getting pregnant if I wanted (the issue with CJ was that I wasn’t ovulating). It makes like zero sense but I sometimes feel like I’m wasting the opportunity that they so desperately want. I know it doesn’t work that way but the brain isn’t always a rational beast and I wish I could give them some of my baby dust.
  • All I ate on Saturday was an entire bag of Burger Rings because my nose was so stuffed that it was all that tasted normal. Washed down with copious amounts of fluids and double-loading zinc and Vitamin C, I actually felt ten times better the following day. I’m not saying it was the burger rings, but…
  • I like to lounge round and “air -dry” in a towel after my showers for way longer than I think is probably the norm. I obviously can’t do it all the time, because #life and all that, but there’s something so relaxing about it.

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2 thoughts on “Confessions #4

  1. Even when you’ve had the same surgery as someone else, you can’t help but compare yourself … I think its totally normal! And I think if we’re all honest, we all do it. I’ll put my hand up and say I do.

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