Being raised by sci-fi nerd parents, I knew from a young age that the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything, as calculated by Deep Thought, was 42 (bonus points if you get the reference!). The joke in the books, of course, is that no one actually knows the question. Sometimes life has felt a bit like that… that I feel like I’m getting close to the answer, but I’m not even sure what the question is anymore.
I’m a planner, that’s no secret. I love lists and goals and working towards them. I had plans for my life that followed that really traditional pathway of finding a man, getting married, settling down and starting a family … and they all lived happily ever after. Of course, if you’ve been following my blog for a while now, you’ll know that’s not quite what happened. And it’s really changed my perspective on the way that life flows.
Despite losing my faith in church, I feel now, more than ever, a real belief in fate. That as much as we have free will in our lives, some things were just meant to happen. I was meant to get married to my ex-husband, otherwise our amazing wee son would not exist. I’m currently in the only job I interviewed for last year, all other offers coming too late – and it was the right fit. People I have met in the most peculiar of ways at the most random of times have ended up meaning so much to me, in ways I could never have planned or imagined. Even the crappy sucky stuff in hindsight seems to have had a purpose, even if it wasn’t what I wanted at the time.
This doesn’t mean I don’t have goals and ambitions – far from it. I still have things that I am working towards, and I throw myself into them wholeheartedly. While amazing things can happen when you least expect it, I also strongly believe that you need to bring your a-game too… I can’t just trust fate to help me lose the weight I want to lose (she’d probably do it by giving me food poisoning LOL), I need to come to the party as well. What it does mean, though, is that I’m more accepting of the way things flow once I’ve put my 100% in – sometimes the answer is an ending, or a not yet, or more amazing than I could have imagined.
I was watching The Prince of Egypt with one of my classes recently and I loved these words in the song sung by the character, Jethro:
No life can escape being blown aboutby the winds of change and chanceand though you never know all the stepsyou must learn to join the dance