The End Of The Road

Not everyone knows this, but I started blogging way back in 2008, as a way to keep myself occupied while I was working night shift at an Arts Centre. I’m pretty sure that makes me a grandma in blogging terms! I made friends that year that are still my friends today – I attended the wedding of one last year and I’ve recently been on holiday with another. Blogging has given me some fantastic opportunities and amazing experiences, but… There’s always a but, isn’t there…

This blog (my second) I started in particular because I couldn’t find the kind of honest content I wanted on the web about parenting. The hard stuff. It followed my challenges in conceiving, my pregnancy and the initial stages of parenthood which are really goddamn hard. It’s tracked (unexpectedly and, hopefully, respectfully) my first year as a solo mum. I hope that there’s been content that has helped others, no matter how small, because that was kind of the point. But I also know that I’m far from the only one out there – there’s a whole community of blog mums now, some of whom I’m lucky enough to call friends, who are interested in keeping it real. I’ve also shared about books and restaurants that I’ve loved – because this was my home on the web and I can do that. And if you know me, I love books and dining out! It’s a part of me, as much as the parenting stuff. The blog has followed along with my health & wellness journey over the last year or so. And as morbid as it is, since losing my mother this blog has been a way to let my son know more about who his mother was before he had any memory of her… None of us know how long we have, and this is a way of existing in perpetuity for CJ, in the way I wish my mum had for me. While her cancer blog has great insight of who she was as she battled IBC, it doesn’t provide the answers to a lot of questions I wish I had been able to ask.

If you’re a long-time reader, you’ll also know that I’ve been thinking about privacy and what I’m sharing for some time now. I also feel like I’ve been creatively unleashed in the last year or so, writing more fiction and poetry than I have in years. I don’t crave writing here the same way as I used to; I wonder whether I just don’t need the catharsis it used to give me. I know that my resources of energy are finite and I want more energy to put into the pursuit of other dreams. We’ve got some big plans I’m hoping come to fruition soon and for the first time in my life, I don’t want to write about it. I want to just experience it, live it, enjoy it and not write about it – and if I’m being completely honest, not have it analysed by others. This page has always been unadulterated me, out on the digital page for the world to see. And a little part of me is wary that while I’m opening up my heart for my son to read in years to come, everything here is also public domain… and I’m getting to the point I don’t want it to be. I’m looking to the future and if I’m really honest with myself, I don’t see the blog (and definitely not my twice-weekly regular blogging) as part of it.

I’ve never been the type of person to let things just fade away to nothing. It’s been weird when bloggers I follow just slowly ghost out of existence and you never know what happened – “Are you dead?”. And this might not be the last post ever on this page, although I’m not willing to guarantee that. Above and beyond everything else, it has been a great place to record my feelings about my little guy growing up and I may still use this site to record our funny conversations and my special letters to him. But I might not. I’m not sure how I’m going to feel once I let go of my regular blogging habit. I’m not sure whether that’s the best way to continue to share his story.

I’ll still be “around”. If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, I don’t plan on disappearing. The Facebook page for the blog will continue to exist and it may be that it’s actually easier for me to do my yearly updates and conversations there. I’m grateful to everyone who has read or supported this blog over the last five years, and those who have been there since the start of my journey as Scribbles. But I feel that if you are going to end things, you should end them well, and I respect all my readers enough to not just cut out on you. The time feels right to move on and so, my dear friends, I am.

SweetMama Signature


3 thoughts on “The End Of The Road

  1. I just found myself here from the Brunchclub post you wrote on facebook. I too am a writer and a blogging ‘grandma’, Growmama started in 2008 also. Sad to not have been along for the journey but your thoughts echo many of mine. I am not sure where I want to take GrowMama from here. Good luck on your new adventures.

  2. I’m sad to see your blog end as I’ve enjoyed your writing for several years now. However, I know how hard it is to maintain that kind of energy for so many years. Thank you for sharing with us. All the best for what’s ahead.

Comments are closed.